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I have been friends for more than 20 years, a person who's overcome several obstacles, and I respect her for that. However, she has been often caught off guard by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was a massive blow. Several of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed only interested in the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, and must have understood more clearly the meaning of companionship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few of her friends have disappeared and she isn't sure why. The company she worked for became hostile, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of why things shifted.

How Things Stand Now

In recent times, we've both stepped back from work and are seeing time together, yet I realize my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation but she shifts them to what interests her. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to propose verifying facts or other angles.

She's been arranging a vacation to a country I have traveled to many times and lived in for some time. I tried to provide personal experiences, however, my input met with resistance. She really just desired validation of her plans. I recently come back from 30 days in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I find myself in avoidance mode. What's the best step?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, but it is not often the peaceful resolution we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for a solution takes courage and willingness on both your parts.

Experts suggest trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express the way it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. Your feelings are your feelings, after all. Step three is to ask ways you together can shift the pattern between you."

Remember that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to hear that. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"Now you talk while I will listen without interrupting for 30 minutes."

It's wildly impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

This person may dismiss your concerns, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a version about themselves they're unable to release since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. It's tough when there seems no easy route here, only cul-de-sacs. But she may start out this way and then think on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, you'll have satisfaction that you've been truthful.