🔗 Share this article Navigating the Desire for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Committed Partnership As a homosexual male in my late 40s, I’ve spent many, mostly enjoyable years pursuing casual sex with other men from my teenage years. During my fourth decade, I had a serious relationship which continued for four years, but I never felt completely content, in that I felt neither loved nor intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Whenever I start to date any man, once the newness dwindles, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a faithful partnership. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but from my observations, they have seemed like hard work, frequently causing lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I desire a partner to care for me while allowing me to pursue other intimacies, but I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Is it best to continue to have casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Each individual's sexual journey varies. Avoid considering about what you require in partnerships or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. Your needs in your current state could easily shift in the future; eventually you may find yourself more decisive and find greater understanding and a suitable route … or not. One day you might meet someone offering a life-changing chance for you by reflecting your desires completely … and later on you may choose that non-committal encounters suit you best. Fretting over the future and playing endless speculation is merely anxiety-based and a waste of your efforts. Aim to stay in the moment with your partners, and recognize the worth of every individual with whom you might have an intimate bond. If and when you are ever ready to deepen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly practices as a US-based therapy professional focusing on treating sexual disorders.